we all take a dive, at one time or another, in the course of our lives. i know i am completely wrong in thinking that mine has been a one way, long slow tumble towards the centre of the earth. because, just as it is not always true that ‘the only way is up’, there are many different directions in which one can fall. hence the terms, ‘landing on one’s feet’, ‘arriving at a fork in the road’, or ‘being knocked sideways’.

i am trying the sideways variety right now and am finding it more interesting and enriching than the cliched downward spiral or the straight drop….or straight to the top, for that matter.

whereas plummetting to the rocky, full of rocks, rock bottom is a scenario with which we are all comfortingly familiar, it is relatively without surprises. sideways is a rewarding alternative if you are willing to give it a try.

through sheer directional pot-luck, sideways falling can end you up in all sorts of places and predicaments. it may present itself in the form of an opportunity or maybe a question, which is really just an opportunity in disguise.

i have found myself asking a lot of questions lately. like, ‘is money really the problem?’, or ,’if i acheived nothing, but was satisfied, would there be anything wrong with that?’, or, ‘if i could live my life however i wanted, how would that be……. and, what’s stopping me?’

are you bored yet? that last one was a question for everyone.

so, i’ve been trying to imagine my life as a package holiday. if i were sitting at the travel agent’s desk, putting together the dream trip that would be my life and money were no option, what would it look like? would i make lots of space for time alone with a book or organise every inch of my day? would i take classes in gourmet cooking or spend more on eating out? would it be romantic or educational… or both? would it resemble any part of the life i am already host to?

i had begun to ponder these, and many other questions/opportunities, a couple of weeks ago. a friend i was having a stolen few hours with, quoted some philosopher from the 1800’s she had read, on how we should talk about the weather. she went on to say how he believed we shouldn’t just talk about it, as is so poo-pooed in modern culture, but we should write, paint, sing and dance about it. we should describe it in as much detail as we possibly can. when drawing grass, we should draw every hair on every blade. when writing about clouds, we should give them an emotion, a personality, a spirit.

now this may sound like i am just throwing all sorts of unrelated instances out of my butthole for your yawning pleasure, but i’m not.

not only did it get the old rusty cogs turning in my under-used brain about how valuable it was to be creative for no apparent goal or reason, but i even asked myself why i had thought that the moments i was spending with my friend were ‘stolen’!

i had been so busy worrying about how every action and deed had to somehow relate back to the completion of my album, or to create the funds to to so, that i had forgotten what it meant to be creative. i wouldn’t have an album to worry about, had i not exercised this ‘lightness’ to begin with. hands off, angie hart! for once in my life, i had become too focussed. never thought i’d be able to say that.

sure, i never lost the ability to have a big night out with my friends and forget everything for a while, but it had become a dreary escape. i was like one of those weekend warriors that hadn’t been told it was wednesday. i was rising later and later in the day, doing only what needed to be addressed, then clocking out as soon as i could say i’d done my work for the day. not exactly the artist’s life, huh? in my attempt at discipline, i had killed off the good with the bad and become worse.

i’d forgotten that a drive in the country, a coffee with a friend, going to a gallery, or even a quiet night in front of the heater with a trashy magazine are all valid activities. people do these things every day… and i am one of them. you never know where you muse may choose to hide next.

now that i am looking at life sideways, i have loosened my grip and let a few wild hairs fly free. i try to hold back from asking why i am doing something and just allow the fact that i felt like i wanted to, be reason enough. these wonts are mysterious and they unfurl in the most unlikely fashion, if you let them breathe. i am newly entranced by the barely perceptible voice within, that knows exactly what comes next.

this is not to say i’ve let all the practical, menial tasks go to pot, because i don’t gravitate naturally in that direction. in trying to loosen my grip, everything has become more logical and planning my time around both types of expression has become a more attainable goal. i am learning that one feeds the other.

bingo! my epiphany for the month is definitely this. put in simple terms (because i have to make everything fancy), i believe it is called BALANCE.

in an unbalanced report on the status of my recording schedule and related themes, i am happy to say that my sydney and melbourne showcases were extremely instrumental in getting to the next step in the staircase. we are now talking to three reputable companies and i am in pre-production on the record. tentative date to record, is october….. oh, and i am still as broke as a spoke in a wagon wheel, but in much better spirits.

thank you to all of you for your letters of support and your attendance to the shows, it has really made a difference to me and to the progress of my album. (pictures of the shows are smattered throughout this ramble, alongside a document of a friend’s 20 something foot bonfire i attended last saturday, on his property at the base of the grampians)

love and graceful thoughts,

ang x